Paterfamilias: Possum on the Porch

Life is good in Yellowbush!

Things got exciting ’round here, last night. I was lying in bed watching my shows, because Denise doesn’t like em, so I’m relegated to the bedroom if I wanna watch these particular shows. She doesn’t care if they find the treasure in the bottom of the money pit, her loss, I say. Nor does she care if they figure out who the zodiac killer is.

Anyway, I’m laying there, struggling to keep my eyes open, when Ruby commences to barking, which is her job, now that I’m outta the cattle bidness. Well, I don’t pay much attention to it, but Denise goes out to check things out. That’s when the hollering gets started. It seems a big old fat possum is up on the table chowing down on the cat’s food. The wife is simultaneously screaming for me, shooing the possum, which ain’t listening, calling the dog, that’s nowhere to be found, and voicing concern for the cat’s safety.

I jump up and run out to see what all the commotion’s about. The way the possum is turned, won’t allow me to pick him up by the tail, so I go back inside to get a pistol.

This raises Denise’s voice to some greater octaves, screaming “don’t shoot him here, you’ll hit the house”.

Through all this, Ol’ Mr. Possum is quietly chowing down, paying us no mind. So I get his attention by pistol whipping him a bit, and he jumps off the table, more like falls, and scurries off the porch, me in hot pursuit, pistol in hand.

Off the porch, I’m able to get off a few rounds, winging the slick tail. I’m always amazed how easy it is for me to miss my target with a pistol.

With Denise hollering “don’t shoot the horses”, I was slinging lead, while hollering back that if the ponies were in the flower bed, they were probably goners. He circles the house, seeking refuge on the back porch, getting blood all over everything, giving me a chore for tomorrow.

Of course, the tv in the bedroom won’t pause or record, so I don’t know if they found the treasure, or not. Just my luck, somebody will spoil it for me. It’s alright, ’cause everyday is Saturday in Yellowbush.

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One comment

  1. Wish I could have viewed this first hand! Never a dull moment in Yellowbush! On Dec 7, 2017 3:25 PM, “Doing manly things (mostly)” wrote:

    > Andy posted: “Life is good in Yellowbush! Things got exciting ’round here, > last night. I was lying in bed watching my shows, because Denise doesn’t > like em, so I’m relegated to the bedroom if I wanna watch these particular > shows. She doesn’t care if they find the trea” >

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